10-22-12

WHATS UP! Thanks for the letters. I am super excited to see the temple now! The temple trip that we were going to have with raul and rubi was postponed for this Saturday and the Wednesday. I get to go again! 
We experienced many miracles this last week. First off that one family that i had told you about that went to the conference moved back into our area and we found the mom in the street Friday! They are so getting baptized, the sad part is that they are living with a crazy old drunk who hates us and so i think their conversion is going to take longer then necessary. Also this last week i was asked by the bishop to be the ward pianist for the choir.... IU don’t know if you remember that funeral we went to in melba or something like that and those two people sang and some had to walk out so that they didn’t laugh... they sounded like josh groban and mariah cary compared to the men and women that sang in this choir!!!! It was a atrocious but luckily with the piano it was automatically on tune. It was so funny!
O something also cool that happened is yesterday we went to the house of one of our investigadores. Let me describe him for you. He has a saved head, wicked fast motorcycle, military dude that is atheist. The first thing he said to us when we met him was don’t you two Americas mess with me or I’ll make your life bad. I don’t do wrong to anybody unless they come after me and if they do they will find me. All of this was in English (he speaks English). We have taught him a couple times. When he found out we were good people he turned super nice and always gives us soda and he is awesome but absolutely has no faith or belief in a God. He did before but when his little daughter died with out any reason a couple years back he turned away. He listens very attentively but always goes back to it will be hard to change me. Yesterday we taught the atonement of Christ and wow!!!! it was incredible using alma 34. He was so interested. I don’t know how to describe the lesson to you but it was amazing and at the end i invited to him to read again. He always does but he wont pray, and then i invited him to pray to know if God is there. I was going to say later when you are alone but he cut me off and said OKAY and started his prayer with the words I don’t know what i am talking to but thanks for these two youngins who are trying to help. He then expressed his desire to know if there was someone that could redeem him of his sins. At the end he said amen and just sat there with out saying any words and looked at us waiting for us to do something. It was so powerful. He is a really good man. I hope he gets baptized someday. I really hope that in the normal life that one can see as many miracles as i have on my mission... I guess it all has to do with your faith. I bet alot of x missionaries think that just because they are not missionaries any more that they can do as much good or work miracles. The adjustment will be interesting... i feel like i did entering into the mission not having any idea or what to expect. I also messed up really really really bad with Guarani this last week that i am not going to write about it over the big email but ask me later haha.
I am pretty sure that i will be able to write next week cause my comp will have to but we’ll see next week.  love ya, elder shaw

10-15-2012

Whats up!!!"!!!!!!

I am super excited to hear about the BYU trip Braiden but not excited to get dominated by my little brother in basketball ha. But sounds like a good week. Caleb you sound crazy. I didn’t understand everything you were doing but it sounds cool! 

Well this last week was great!! I have some bad noticias and good ones. This last Thursday we had interviews with the president. He basically told me that he wasn’t going to interview me cause we would have another interview in 3 weeks but asked me if i had any questions. I got permission from him to go the temple with Raul and Rubi to do baptisms for the dead!! I am so excited this last Sunday raul got the priesthood and they are getting interviewed for the temple Wednesday night!! It is going to be so awesome. I love them so much Raul is very animated and doing very well on his progress and i don’t know why but out of all my converts here in Lucerito the members just attacked this one. Everyone is inviting them to their houses and to do stuff and church activities and is probably the best reception of converts that i have seen in Paraguay till now! It makes me very happy, There are a couple verses in alma 29:? (9-10,14 maybe) but it talks about how Alma finds his joy and it is through the success of his brethren and their personal growth! I really love that scripture because it is true. Yes it is really fun to achieve something and have alot of people admire or recognize you but the real joy comes from recognizing other people and seeing the joy that they have. Braiden know that! You will find more happiness on your mission then on the court. It will be a different happiness, it’s really hard to describe. We also went last night to nicolas house with the bishop to drop the cane and it went really well. nicolas was excited to see the bishop in his house and has been reading alot and promised to assist every Sunday from now on out! He is painting me a picture. 

The sad news is that family that we found that we took to the conference, they were so excited for their baptism but the moved this last week to the north mission! It was really sad cause they had a fecha for the 27 of October, but we must need to find another miracle before i leave.

There are some moments on the mission that are not appropriately described or as good over the email or writing.  Moments that one can’t tell very well. This last week i had an experience that very literally changed my outlook on the atonement, the personal significance that it can have for me. Talking with my companion this last companionship inventory (or whatever it is called) what was being said brought me to tears and to moments when i could not speak. I love the atonement and i more fully understand the importance and the power that it can and should have in the lives of every single one of Gods children. I also realize that one person can not come to a complete understanding of this perfect act. I see and listen to the testimony of elder holland and think, wow what has he experienced to have such a strong testimony, but just as elder bednards talk says a testimony is your person relationship with God given through revelation from the Holy Ghost. Its all so  personal and even though many people can be listening to the very same message and be in the same place your personal sensibility to the spirit is what will build your testimony because no man can force these truths upon you. Elder badnards talk was amazing!

I know that I’m a child of god and he loves and takes care of me and i know that only trough honoring my covenants will i become like him. THIS CHURCH IS TRUE!  Elder Shaw

10-8-12

Family members of the Shaw family!!!!, conference was stinkin amazing! We got to watch all the sessions of conference including priesthood which ended at 11 at night. I personally have never gotten so much out of conference like i did this last time! It was amazing and really changed me. I loved all of the talks and all of Saturday i was able to watch it in English also. I could go on forever about the talks that were given.(and mother i took fantastically detailed notes on every speaker, i expect my candy bar later on)! I truly learned alot and am super excited to try and apply the principles taught. Some of my favorites.... wow which one... i really really loved Andersons talk Saturday, with faith comes trial of faith which can one increase your faith or diminish your trust in the Lord. It makes no sense to step away from the kingdom of God when you most need his help. It would be like stepping outside the storm shelter right as the storm comes into view. Also moroni 9:? saying don’t condemn me for my errors but thank God for recognizing them so that you are more wise. It applies very well to Paraguay! I also LOVED elder Bednards talk about testimony and conversion!!! In alma 23:? when it talks about the people of Ammon and how, when they came to the knowledge of the truth by the preaching of Ammon ACCORDING to the spirit THEY WERE ALL CONVERTED TO THE LORD, and not one fell away! I loved that, his focus on how we need to be converted to the Lord and not to the missionaries or to the auxiliary organizations, or the leaders, or just straight up tradition, but to the Lord! 
So we met a family last Thursday, We were walking and it was very hot and we saw a man walking very fast along the road on the others side, i got the impression to cross the street and talk to him. As we talked he told us he had recently lost his job and wanted us to pass by his house. Thursday we had a lesson, Friday we went with the stake pres. to visit him, Saturday we taught them and Sunday they came to the conference with their whole family. They have 3 children... and man!! does Elder Holdand deliver or what! He always pulls through. Our investigators loved his talk and absolutely loved the conference! I am super excited for this new family they are great and are excited to prepare for a baptism and already have friends in the church and everything. But really Elder Holland is amazing. A minor points that i really like is at the beginning how he introduced the apostasy a little, explain the short amounts of time he had to change the bad customs and call very young leaders among these very new converts to the church and how it truly could not sustain itself. I am going to start using that as i teach! 
And the women that spoke in the Saturday morning session that talked about I’m Mormon, i know it, i love it, and i live it! i loved her talk!! It was awesome, i wanted to cry listening to it. Also i would love to get my hands on a copy of elder Uctdorfs talk during the priesthood session about the power of priesthood. There was too much doctrine i could not write it all down. I want to study that talk. ITS GOLD!
all in all i hope that you all loved the conference as much as i cause it is life changing. It is so easy to see that these men truly are inspired and called of god! Any denomination could listen to them and would agree and based on the doctrine taught, especially elder holland touching the apostolic keys being restored, obviously this is the true church of Christ. I have found that all denomination allow one to progress to a certain point but only one can literally give you all that the father hath. It was interesting how many times that was said in conference. That we can have all that the father hath! The church is really focusing on the service and characteristics of a Christianity.  I love the church! 
This week we have interviews with president and i am super excited for that! But everything is going very well! Nicolas, my convert here is struggling we are helping him. It isn’t that he has lost his testimony, its that he is putting his family over the church and not going to church that he can visit his family that lives in Asuncion but he promised this week that he was going to go!! raul and rubi are SUPER FIRM!
i love you all and enjoy the cold, cause it’s not cold here!
elder shaw

10-2-12

FAMILLLLLLLLLLEIAIJAEIAIA    FAMILY !"#$%&/()
They got baptized! Raul and Rubi are finally Mormons:) The baptism was so cool. First off the water heater broke in the chapel and the water was so cool. A lot of members went to the baptism. This last week was by far and none the most hectic week of my mission. I was dealing with all kind of stuff and I’ll explain in a little. But Monday he smoked because he has been trying to stop smoking for the last 4 months and he was down to only like 3 or 4 smokes a day. We had a very serious lesson and i basically commanded him to stop and then i looked at his 6 year old daughter and asked for her help to yell at him }if he ever starts to smoke. He sent us a text every night last week saying (in English) hello brother no smoke today success haha.. Then the interview was Friday and we went over there and while they were both being intervened i was talking with the little daughter and she told me that she threw away all is cigarette packets every time he bought them. i was so proud of her. Thanks to that little girl they were able to get baptized!! There is the 20 year old girl living with them who we are also trying to teach and she was very doubtful about the apostasy, and basically i started to explain again and raul cut me off and said let me take this and went on to explain what happened and that if she wanted to know if it was true she needs to knee down and ask God!!!! It was so cool! I wanna cry right now! I love that family so much. But in the baptism i baptized and confirmed Rubi and my comp Raul. I am so happy for them. I didn’t bring my camera but i will send a picture. I am also super excited for the general conference this next weekend. It is going to be great. I was thinking, all the members study the scriptures so closely, trying to find some hidden message but pass over the words of the modern day prophetas and only listen to the general topic. But we should study very closely their words as well. I found something really cool in the Elder Eyering last talk. Also on the 27th of October the mission north and south will get together to listen to Elder Bednard and Elder Arnold so i will be able to see Jordan before i go..... speaking of that i got my flight plans today... :( im scared. but ya dad please i really want to go to the dedication and go through with you guys. Please get me in on that too. This last week alot of things happened. I don’t really have time to write them all but basically, i slept very little having to do divisions so many times with everybody. There is an elder tah is mentally unstable in my district who is new this last change and he called me many times saying if i don’t come over and talk to him or if he can’t talk to president he wont leave the house and so we had to work with him a lot.  He is going home tomorrow and a new elder is coming. Many things like that but all is good here. I am happy and tired and working hard, as for an update on the next baptism.... well we are looking for it:) but next week i will give you their names! love you all elder shaw

9-24-2012

Whats up fam.
Wow that is awesome! Sounds like it was a fun week, and way to go Braiden for the studliness. What changes have they done to the temple? Can you see it from the highway? That is super cool that the coaches went and had dinner. What’s Braiden doing right now with basketball? This last pday we played soccer as a district and... wow i am horrible, I cant shoot worth beans and i cant keep up with myself. I want to do certain things but i am just out of practice but i am getting pretty good with dribbling with my feet and a soccer ball.  Well for the big news on the transfers, nothing happened. My comp and I are still together for the last change. I am super glad that i have the chance to stay and be apart of the baptism of raul and ruby! This week flew by!!! We had alot of activities and things to do. Friday i did changes with elder hatch (my good friend from the mtc and now is my zone leader) and we partied and worked hard. He is a very good elder. Then Saturday we went to Centro to do a massive service project of cleaning the trash from a river. It was very fun and President Agazzani was with us getting dirty. He is a good guy. I was looking for Jordan but he didn’t go. I did run into a couple elders from his district. GUESS WHAT i found out that the 27 of October Elder Bednard is coming to Paraguay to speak to the north and the south mission together so i will be able to see Jordan! I am so excited for that. Last night we had a lesson with raul and ruby and they are so excited and happy. They have had so many changes in their life and are being so blessed- I love them. They are super excited for their baptism and they have the baptismal date for this weekend!!!! I am so excited and they are ready. They started to tell us a story that a Jehova Witness came to their house and started to converse with them at their door and they told them no  ``no thanks we are from the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints``! It was so cool. We are also working with another señora named Ilda who is also progressing. We had a lesson with her yesterday and her brother in law and sister where at the house visiting her and they came out of the house and said we want to know what ilda is learning about can we participate. Turns out the guy is die hard Baptist and his wife and they started to ask question and try and prove the Book of Mormon wrong with their reasoning. We answered a couple of his questions and the spirit slapped him the face and he said that he will read the whole Book of Mormon and ask god if it is true and if he tells him yes he will change his beliefs.... it was really cool and then ilda said she new that it was true. We have just got to get her to put in batteries and get going. Everything is going really well. I am kind of getting sick of write emails so sorry if they are not as good of quality any more. I love you all and i love this work. It’s a very rewarding work if you look closely. Not all the time does one baptize alot but there are so many more ways of feeling the blessings of this work. Just gotta find the silver lining! The church is true. Keep your eyes peeled as dad would say for the small and simple things in your life.
elder shaw

Sept 17, 2012

Wow talk about some good letters! Thanks for writing me everybody. Sounds like life is going so good back there and WOW CALEB, you have curly hair, blue eyes, zits, and a chin. Your grown up and handsome and stuff! Way to be. And i kid you not ,i don’t’ know if i have every gotten a picture with Braiden in it with out girls... way to be! 
Also next topic .... wow that is so cool that the basketball coaches are going to the house. So i got the game plan, be sure to have my high school highlight videos on play as he walks in the house and maybe that huge poster of me hanging from the ceiling and we will see what we can get.. (tell him I’ve got a little soccer in me) he can’t deny it... or better plan put us in the same package tell him it’s both or nothing... and i will give people water too when i am not playing! Just kidding,, but seriously I died laughing from the BOM story from tiffany too, that is very funny. Tiffany i don’t think there is any other place on this beautiful planet that is so dang hot.  As i type I’m dripping sweat and my arms are slipping of the desk while i type!. It got hot again. My comp is super unhappy. Oh ya and yes dad it is change week but i don’t get changes until tomorrow in the morning so we will see what happens i have a feeling that we are both staying… but we will see. This last week there was a little bit of progression in the work. Enough to keep me going! One of the cool things that happened is this last week we had a lesson with raul and ruby, and raul has had his answer for the last 2 weeks and knows that the church is true! So we have been working with ruby and this last Friday we had a great lesson on the difference between the Holy Ghost and the gift of the Holy Ghost and the blessings and she recognized her answer and said she knows that the church is true.  We invited them to be baptized together on the 29 of September and after i invited them, raul looked at his wife and said, YA lets get baptized together on the 29 and smiled really big! They both accepted and the best part is yesterday they both attended the stake conference that was via satellite and we all listened to the prophet and Elder Christoferson. I love them so much. They are my favorites. Also we have been teaching another family, named leila and fabiano for about 2 weeks and for so reason this last week that wouldn’t talk to us. Every time we came close to their house we would see them take off running and hide and they wouldn’t come out, and so i got a little peeved and made his brother came out and told him to tell them to face their problems instead of hiding and that the next time we pass by they need to either drop us or tell us what happened. So the next day we went by and they received us in their house and we had a 45 lesson on spiritual progression (just saw an update, 110 degrees right now in a building with out air conditioning and humid!!!!) but we basically took out their doubt and they want to continue learning so we will see what will happen with them. He didn’t want to stop smoking drinking and cofee but little by little we will get them. A funny story... last pday i snuck over to the other elders apartment and pulled the coolest prince of perisia move and scailed to their second story apartment be a cement balcony to jump in through their window and scared them to death.  The bad part is on my ascension i slipped trying to pull myself up to the next cement block and was falling backwards about 20 feet of the ground, but thankfully manage to catch my self on another cement block but got some nasty scabs on my arms that are going to be some good scars. Ha i couldn’t call Sister Agazzani cause i didn’t know what i was going to tell her about my arms. But i returned to climb it and the second time made it and scared them to death. Worth it!
Lifes great. I’m happy. I hope you are all happy and obedient to the commandments and gospel. Braiden and Caleb don’t get lost in the young life. Keep your eyes open for the spirit and learning experiences. I like learning now. With a handful of love,
lder shaw

9-10-12

What’s up!

Well i have so much i want to write and i don’t know how to put it in words so it’s probably going to be short. But i am doing good... very amazed at how the Lord works. I am put in different circumstances all the time and stretched at parts that need it. I had some interesting things happen this last week that i am probably not going to write on email but was a testimony builder and a good experience. As for the work this last week we found two very amazing families!!! They are both very receptive and young and they both claim to not have religions but believes in God... those are the best. One of the families, the wife has already read to 2 Nephi in one week and says she already has her answer and the best part is that her brother is member! But the husband is Brazilian and can’t stop drinking coffee and doesn’t know how to read well, but a very nice guy. We are working with them! They are yes or yes going to get baptized!! The other family we found has a very funny story behind it. We were walking on a street and there was a family outside a “love motel” we are going to call it. We stopped them and asked their names and got to know them and then asked to were they were going and they pointed to the love hotel and it was a very awkward moment. Then they read our thoughts and cut us off and said no no no we work and live there. So we accompanied them to there house inside the love motel and taught them lesson one and they loved it!!!! They said they want to go to church and love the Book of Mormon so we will see what happens with them. They don’t really live in the best environment and it is so awkward to enter into this place with my comp to get to their house... haha but we are going to baptize them!

Also this last week we had alot progress with Ruby. She more or less admitted that the church is true which is a huge step. But they told us before hand that they were not going to be able to go to church, but they are going to get baptized in a little. Right now we just need to throw members on them! I’m really excited. I really don’t know how much harder i can work. We are pushing ourselves so much and working very hard. I pray that God will bless us with a baptism. We are trying very hard. i have never worked so hard in my mission and had so much difficulty to get people to baptism! But i know that the Lord is going to bless us! PLEASE. My comp is getting a little disanimated, but my comp is leaving the area next week. I really hope he gets an obedient companion next change. I love this work. It is so painfully rewarding haha. Last night after getting home i laid down on the floor and had to elevate my ankles they hurt so bad. Yesterday not many people wanted to see our faces:)

I pray that all this work is paying off. I know that it is, it’s just putting the confidence in that we really will reap what we sow or however you say it in English. I love being a missionary. This last week i am having to heat metal up and burn the rubber on my shoes to try and keep the water out, the balls of my feet have broken through the bottom of my shoes, i just need to make it one more change in these shoes, but i can’t step in any water or i get soaked!.

I hope everything is going well back at home. If i have any experienced advise acquired lately it would be, do what’s asked of you even if you don’t understand or see why. The blessing will come. Magnify your calling and there will be no better joy. The true happiness will not come until your focus is not in yourself. Your ego must yield to the service of others. I’m trying so hard to learn the attributes of Christ so that i can apply them to real life later on but its amazing how much i fail even with the knowledge i have....

love

elder shaw

9-6-2012

Whets up?!

Wow that's so cool that you are back in school, learning is awesome, the comp I have right now is the king of all little know history facts dad and useless side information and I learn really weird stuff that has nothing to do with anything. But what classes are Braiden and Caleb taking? Is Braiden going to get another car? Changes are in 2 weeks.

    Well the work here in Lucerito continues, this week we had many miracles and disappointments. The work wouldn't be any fun if it wasn't a challenge and we are having plenty of challenges. It's really hard on my comp right now, because he is new and I don't think physically I have worked so hard in my mission. It is hurting him and his attitude.  We don't rest haha we are always working I just fear that if I lighten up that we will miss the blessings and there are so many baptisms waiting for us I just know it.  This last week we put a lot of people with baptismal dates and had a lot of people committed to attend church. I am very grateful for the one person that we were blessed with in church. Her name is Ilda, she loved the church and it was her first time there. She says she feels really good and feels like God is telling her it is the truth but says she is not 100  percent sure.  But she is so getting baptized!  Also guess what happened this week, so yesterday Raul and Ruby were going to go to church but they didn't go, so later Sunday night we went to their house to see what happened and when we got there he saw us and hid behind his hands and started yelling I'm sorry in English.  In his prayer to start the lesson he asked God for forgiveness for not keeping the Sabbath day. It was so cool, I'm glad he feels bad (haha). but then he asked us why the world and other churches attack our church. And then before we could talk about his question he cut everybody off and started to make the connection and explain... ´´wow it makes so much sense because even in the time of Christ the saints and members of the church were persecuted for not following the traditions of everybody else and were killed´´ he then laughed saying wow I hope I don't get killed for joining your church. He said that his work companions were pulling stuff up on the internet and attacking the Mormon church and he said that he couldn't respond their questions but he didn't doubt in his answer so he just shut up.  He said I don't doubt the answer God has given , I don't doubt this church! IT WAS SO COOL!!!!!! I love him, his wife is struggling to recognize her answer but she is going to get baptized too!

    All I want is to baptize, I'm not perfect and a lot of times I fail with the rules but I want to be perfect and work hard so that God can bless us with that success.  We have a lot of investigators right now, but sadly that other family I was telling you about Oscar and Efania, they have lost interest and don't want to change their traditions.  Without a doubt they will get baptized in the future but I don't know if it is their time right now :(. we had to drop them.

    I also had another interesting thing happen, we taught a family lesson one that we found and they were very into it, and we explained the restoration the Book of Mormon and everything.  At the very end to end we asked them if they had any questions about anything, and the dad looked at me seriously and said,  thanks for your message, but I want you to answer me one question, for your church, who is Christ?    .....   That was a slap in the face. I think sometimes as missionaries we focus too much on other things and not enough on the fact that Christ came to suffer and die for us and our sins... it made me think a little and re word my lesson one.

Another cool thing that happened this week, is I had to do divisions with some other elders in my district and I went to their area, they were struggling with finding new people to teach and the Lord blessed us with 4 families and 10 new people that we found that day, it was so cool and turns out 2 of the families we found were cousins to recent converts!

I love the missions, it's cool how much one learns, I have learned so much stuff useful and not useful.. For example I can whistle really loud without my hands, and I can do a rubics cube, and I could probably pass some mechanic test thanks to my comp who explains everything, (those are the not so important things) but it's really fun but I'm tired.

well the church is true.

love you all 

elder shaw

8/21/2012

Whats up?

This week was a hard one, with all the studies works prayers and thoughts i have put into these two families that we are teaching... they just don’t want to progress. I don’t understand why. I have never taught a family like these families. I feel that the Lord is sending his spirit and they are learning but they don’t want to progress. It’s hard. We had 3 people that were suppose to get baptized this Saturday but a couple days ago, every single one of them moved out of town due to work. It was tough to say good by and the worst one was the family of ricardo cause they moved to a city were the church is still not there. I begged him to stay but they couldn’t. The Lord is testing us but we continue to work hard. We need to find people that will progress. Well two funny things happened this last week, first we were walking and on the street a taxi comes flying in and skids to a stop nest to us and we hear a WHATS UP GUYS!! haha this guy then continues to swear and make jokes saying how he has been in Paraguay for 17 years and that he is from Chicago and kept saying that he was a gangster so all the people here are afraid of him and then as he pulled away just screamed at the top of his lungs peace out hahaha! Another guy we found let us into his house and we sat down and were going to teach him but he gave us a bunch of food and really quickly turned very feminine. Turns out he was gay and didn’t just want the word of God haha!
This last week i finished the New Testament for the first time, i mean like i have studied it alot doing cross references and read by topics but never completely read it. It was very interesting. I now understand that unless one is based in the true doctrine or has a preknowledge of the doctrine (Mormon goggles) one could support and destroy any church. The bible is amazing and has so many interesting verses that support deep doctrine and help you make connections in the gospel.  It sure strengthened my testimony of why God provided a second testament of him and his doctrine. I decided to start the Book of Mormon in English too. It’s really interesting. The Spanish scriptures are more powerful and spiritual to me but the English scriptures help me can catch more little things and I understand better. I am learning things that i wish i had had my whole mission. Principally how to study for investigators and make lesson plans. I know that God is aware of our situation right now and has something in store for us. I don’t know what it is but i need to exercise my faith and put my trust in God, knowing that whatever does come is for my good. I love this work and love life.
elder shaw

8/12/2012

Whats up!!1!!!!

How’s it going fam? Wow the stake conference sounds awesome! Who was the general authority that went? Did Nicole and Tiffany die?

Well this last week was amazing! We had so much success and miracles. The three families that i have told you about continue to progress but very slowly. They are all very great people and are always saying in their prayers and asking God that we never stop visiting them! I love them so much, but this last week a couple fun things happen. I forgot to tell you but last week we went to an old investigators house and he let us in and as we were walking in his house he was hushing us to be quite. We asking him what he was doing and he told us he was on the radio... so we were a little curious and he showed us how he has a radio station and does it from his house. It’s a pretty popular music station and just plays modern music al day. We went around back and he sat us down pulled his microphone over and switched a flipped and before we knew it we were on the radio. He started saying´´well i am here with the Mormons and started asking us questions about futbol and the English class at the church and talking to me in Guarani. It was really funny. Ya that is my fun story for the week.-

The investigator i told you about the last time, named raul molinas made alot of progress this last week. He has admitted that God is answering his prayer and that he knows that this is the true church of Christ. But his women is a little hard. We are working with her. The lessons with them are always so powerful. It is amazing the work that the spirit does in his house. We all started crying Thursday night when we visited them and we talked about faith to repent and the change of heart.

Also the family of ricardo and carolina is progressing. They both went to church this last week and they both know with a surety that this is the true church. Their only impediment is getting a stable work so that they don’t have to move anywhere. But we are praying alot for that! The other day we were teaching him and we finished up the lesson on the word of wisdom and after the prayer we stood up and i walked over to the 6 year old daughter and bent over to eat her chocolate out of her hand just play with her and as i was doing it she kissed me on the cheek. Haha she is so cute. I really love that family and hope that everything goes well with them.

Well the work continues here in Lucerito and i know that we are going to baptize. I absolutely love the Holy Ghost and the power it has to change ones life! THE CHURCH IS TRUE

elder shaw

7/31/2012 & 8/5/2012

You all are traveling partying guru, sounds super fun. I’m sending a couple pictures today, one is the baptism of Nicolas and another in his house.  Mom you would love his house he is obsessed with exotic plants and the other is my child. This last week was dope as soap!! The number of lessons we are teaching a week is dramatically going down cause i am struggling to find people that i don’t know in this area already.  But family and beloved ones know that i have some of the most awesomest coolestest investigadores ever right now!!
We have a family of investigadores called the family Molinas!! This guy is so cool. He calls me every time the US is playing in basketball in the Olympics and tells me the score and gives me updates! He is Argentinean so when Argentina and US played he was giving me updates through the whole game and how the states almost lost to them. We get along very well cause he loves basketball! The other day we went to teach them with a recent convert called Jose and we taught the Sabbath day and it was such a good lesson. They both are reading and praying to know it’s true and they keep telling us how the really feel that they are finding a could path. Sadly they both traveled this last Sunday so they didn’t go to church. That is really our only problem with them is that they travel alot and especially on the weekends so we are working with them so that they don’t! They pay attention so well in the lessons and the lessons are so spiritual. 
Also we are teaching another family called Oscar and Efania. We have been teaching them for 2 weeks now and the dad loves it! He is learning and whenever we teach what he does is listens and then after we are done with the principle he says ´´wait wait wait so if i understand good or what i learned is´´ and then goes on in his own words teaching us! Sadly the wife does not want to participate and is finding it very hard to leave her catholic traditions and is afraid of her neighbors and what they are going to say. But Oscar wakes her up at 4 in the morning so they can share together while the children are asleep and the read the Book of Mormon and go through the pamphlets!!!! They are so great! I love them so much and this guy is so funny. He always talks to me in Guarani and makes fun of my comp and my comp has no idea haha. Like the other night i took my fotos over there and he was saying how hot all my girl friends were and his wife was giving him the eye. Then my comp was like´´ sorry i don’t have good picture yet i will get some and bring them´´ and Oscar said in Guarani, ha i doubt there are any good pictures of you... hahaha. We died laughing and he had no idea why. I have developed a love for these families that i couldn’t explain. I just completely desire their happiness and want them to understand and accept this gospel. I need them both to get baptized and if i leave this area... i don’t know what i will do. I really am coming to love the people here in Paraguay. I don’t ever want to leave... sometimes i will let my thoughts wander to home, music, girls, studies, movies (whatever a young man thinks about) or something and yeah there is a longing or wanting for some of that stuff like i miss it but i realize that none of them in this moment could truly make me happy like the experiences i am having right now as a missionary. In spite of the hard work and schedule, it’s so great and i hope to continue with these families and find even more. I love you all and hope everything is going great. elder shaw

Whats up fam.

Well as for the cold questions.. yes it is very cold and my fingers are freezing so i can't type well. But i really do appreciate the cold because that means that it is not hot... so i don't have to change my clothes as often which means less laundry money!!! Wow your trips sounds wicked fun, hope Braiden enjoyed playing with all the black people.  I remember that was always fun... AND CALEB IS HUGE!!! WHAT THE FREAK HAPPENED TO HIM. Thanks for the pictures. Oh and dad i was totally planning on doing that with the pin drive but an elder here told me about a guy in the city next to ours that was a wizard of computer stuff so i took it to him and paid him 30,000 gauranis...,.. if you're wondering that is only 7 dollars. He managed to transfer all my fotos except for 6. All the music was contaminated or something like that.

This last week was very good. We are teaching alot of families right now. hey are all progressing but sadly it poured yesterday and not one of them went to church! We took the stake president with us to do a couple of visits and they went really well. We have one family, the family molinas, they are a young family with a 6 year daughter and very fancy. They have a nice house and car and a huge tv!! They really love talking to us and they are really interested in being an eternal family. I really love them and i really hope that they come to church next Sunday! This week is not changes, it is the next week. I really hope i do stay with my companion. He is way fun and we get along very well. He has had some problems adapting and doesn't have a very good attitude towards Paraguay and the people... I had to drop the cane a couple times on him for talking poorly in general about the people. I think that is one of my stronger points is a love for the country. I truly do love Paraguay and the traditions and cultures! I don't know how the coming to pick me thing is going to work.  I have no idea how it works, but i will ask around and let you know next week.
Ha dad you will love this! We were at the house of nicolas and he was telling us how he likes earth wind and fire and willy nelson and some other girl named sade or something like that.
I am very thankful for the letters you send and the support you give me. How are the mission experiences going back home. has anyone had any good ones lately? If not repent:)!
That kind of music is fine mom and thanks for sending it. Yes there are sisters in my district and it is always weird around them cause nobody knows to what extent an elder can talk to them or make a joke or whatever. It's the first time in my mission that i have had sisters in my district. 
i love you all
Elder Shaw

7-9-2012

WHAT UPS



Wow sounds like an eventful week!. I completely forgot that the 4th of July passed... I didn’t even try to blow anything up or anything. Speaking of explosions, this morning my comp was showering and the whole house had a huge surge of electricity and the shower blew up and then there was a mini fire and smoke everywhere and we called an electrician and our land lord and we might have to move... we will see. but ya i did hear about the huge fires in Utah, that crazy. Tiffany there are not such thing as wild fires here cause you can barely make a normal fire its so humid but they some how manage to burn there trash fine haha!
This last week we did have the chance to meet our new mission president, he went to every zone and basically let all the missionaries ask him what ever they want. I cant describe to you the exact polar opposite he is compared to president callan. He cracks jokes left and right and just laughed the whole time.  It made all the elders be in a really happy good mood and in a completely different way animated them, but  with president callan it was a serious spiritual slap in the face every time and he made jokes only every once in a while, but president agazanni is all about enjoying your mission and being happy and cracking jokes.  It will be interesting to see how the change goes. He is a great man and it will be an interesting change. I don’t say for the bad or its going to go down but its a change of direction.  The spirit in the mission went from very spiritual and rule following to light hearted and enjoy it and work hard. He is a good guy i could see!  You should try and put yourself in contact with my old president. This last week was very hard on my companion. His body is not adjusting well to Paraguay. He had the double dragon (explosions both) this whole week and threw up alot and was very negative about Paraguay... i am praying and trying to help him be positive but he isn’t really happy with Paraguay right now. I love my comp to death but we are working on his attitude. It is really fun training and seeing the progress in him. This last week we had to drop a couple investigators cause they stopped progressing and didn’t want to hear us anymore but we have a couple of people that are still listening to us. Nobody made it to church sadly but this week we have a little more faith that they are going to make it and in a little we will have more baptisms. 
NICOLAS IS AMAZING! This last week he invited us over to eat fish with him, he loves to cook and it was the most beautiful food ever.  I loved it and he gave me a cool England hat thing for the cold. He always talks about wanting to go to the states to meet my family. We do have one family called edgar and petrona who need a little bit of prayer. They are a family of 5 that are on the verge of accepting and rejecting. They have a lot of doubts but need help in their family cause they argue alot. We are working with them. Hopefully they go to church this next week. Life is really good.  I am super excited about the rededication of the temple in November dad that will be really cool. This last week for about 6 hours while my comp was dying i did a biblical study on everything that has to do with the temple and it was very interesting. That is what i am learning right now.
i love you all
elder shaw

7-3-2012

MBAE TE COPIO!

NICOLAS GOT BAPTIZED!!!! That is pretty much the best news ever. Saturday night he was doubting his testimony and very nervous but we had a great lesson talking about trusting in God and how to recognize his holy spirit. It was tuff but the spirit did work and Sunday morning he got baptized!! It was so cool all the members were very happy cause he has known the church and the members for a long time. He loves me. I really hope that one day you can get to know him! I love this guy. We eat at his house every Sunday. He was married to a woman and they had one kid (his wife is a millionaire. She has a house that’s worth 4 million dollars) but about 4 years ago he messed up and they divorced but he is over at her house and always talking and i think they will get back together some day but doesn’t look like any time soon. He is so cool. He is buying a computer to write me when i get back.

This week was one of the most successful weeks that i have had as a missionary in a very long time. We found many many families that we are teaching right now that are sencier (no idea how to spell that one) people. (I think he means sincere)  One kid is 21 years old that is into drugs and beer and everything but has really began his repentance process well. We will see who ends up progressing. There is one family that we found... get this! so ever since i have been here when i pass this house i always get the feeling to touch or... knock it. or clap it (how every you say it) and i had contacted the house 6 times before Friday.   Then Friday night we were walking past it and i stopped in the street with the same impression and accepted it and went and contacted the house for the 7th time. The dad came out and basically was like, why are you back. We said we just wanted to get to know them and ask them a few questions about their beliefs in Christ. He let us in and we taught lesson one and it was awesome!!!!! Never ignore the spirit even though it seems stupid. Sadly no one went to church so hopefully we will have more success this week about that.

i can feel my Spanish getting a little weaker sadly but we try to speak in Spanish in the streets but alot of times we get lazy. I know he needs it and i can do better with that. I have really found joy in watching the progression of other people. Like hearing about Braiden and basketball makes me happy... you should hear me brag about him to members and missionaries haha and my comp is progressing very well. He teaches a whole lot better then when he got here. I have found it alot harder to focus in this last time. But we are working very hard. Both of us have pretty good colds and i have blown my brains out of my nose completely! i am really sick of blowing my nose.

Everything is good here. I am super skinny and i feel like i am getting skinnier.. i don’t know why. I try and eat more but I’m like a stick now. I want a little cushion (also dont know how to spell that)

love you all

elder shaw

6-25-2012

Dearest of family!
     Thank you so much for the letters, and Caleb HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I think you are the only person I have wished happy birthday to on my mission.   I will write about the President thing in Paraguay a little bit later.  It was crazy. 
Well the big news this last week is that my last comp went away and I am training again a newby from Utah!  I got a lot of great news this week.  I really feel like God was waiting for the right moment to give the blessings, he pushes you as far as you can and the gives you a break, kind of like muscles.  This last Monday I was sure that I was going to be with my Latin problem comp again and we were not seeing eye to eye in a lot of the work and worst rule breaking.  But getting my newbie has been one of the most appreciated blessings I have seen on my mission... a little selfish I know, but I am very thankful.  His name is Elder Maxwell from West Valley Utah.  He is a good guy.  He doesn't hesitate talking to people, even though his Spanish is horrible.  But its normal being a new mission, the important thing is that he does it and tries. He invited 5 people last week to be baptized! we get along very well even though we are a little bit different but it works perfectly.  I love the elder.


This last week Friday, we got a call from the assistants telling all the missionaries to go back home for the night and not to work cause there were a lot of riots and talk about the president. So we heard about the new president (kind of sad, cause the old president was a bishop in the catholic church and a lot of time we used him as an example of why the catholic church wasn't true cause he had over 50 children in Paraguay with many different  women and everyone knew he wasn't a moral person) so during that  time me and my comp went back home and built a fire on top of our house and cooked bananas. 


But the big news is that Nicolas (our rich artist investigator) IS GOING TO GET BAPTIZED!!!  After many long lessons and kneeling prayers and different activities to help him recognize his answer he finally accepted for this Sunday!!! I really wanted to baptize him, I love this guy so much he is going to be a great member, but I let my comp do it. it is always really fun when you can baptize quick in your mission.
but everything is going good. loving the mission! 
I will right more the next time but I am short on time again this week cause we are going to play soccer!
but I will send a picture
I love you
Elder Shaw

6-1-2012

What's up!!!

                Thanks for the letters, everything seems humpty dumpty.  The Academies where always great, what happened with the taste testing?  Wow that is weird that school is already out, ha dang Braiden is a senior and Caleb is in high school.... seems like just yesterday that I was changing your diapers.  Ha Ha 
                Well this week was very hard and turned out to be very rewarding at the same time.  I really feel like I am becoming a better missionary, or better said a more successful missionary.  Not in the numbers but as a person and a missionary.  I am learning a lot and being very humble.  I love my comp don't get me wrong but I am learning from him to lose conversations haha.... he doesn't want to ever be wrong and me neither but I am learning to shut up and try and make him happy, he is a good guy but had some problems before with some comps so that's why he is so old in the mission and still not senior comp but he teaches very well and knows how to do the work.
                This last week something happened very funny it made me realize that God has a sense of humor!  It was Friday and this week we worked very hard and my comp got a little discouraged and in the evening he started complaining about not being worth it, how hard we were working and not seeing any fruits of our labors and kept saying out load where are the fruits of our labors,  He wasn't  happy.  On the way home we were walking and some women came out and said ``wow you must be very tired take these took bags of fruits and go make juice" hahahahah I died laughing in her faces cause it was so ironic, that God would send that message.  We definitely had a lot of fruit!
                Friday it rained very hard.  In the rural areas you can always ask someone to give you shelter when it rains and you take advantage of the situation and teach them.  But here in the city it started to pour and so I tried it out and not one person let us in!  They all said "not today!!  We got soaked I'm sure my wife will be good looking because to be honest we are working very hard.  Sunday came and one of our investigators went to church!!!!  His name is Nicolas and he has been investigating the church for like  years.  He is an artist and after church we went to his house to eat.   He showed us all his paintings and stories!!!  He is incredible, he sells these paintings for thousands of dollars!  He lives alone but has quite a bit of money.  He said he would draw a picture if I wanted.  He has a baptismal date so we will see what happens of him:)
                Another cool thing is that last night we had a family night with a part-member family and the dad does not want to be Mormon.  Almost the whole family are members except him and his young daughter of 9 years.  We had a great lesson and at the end I invited him to get baptized when he knew it was true and flat out said no.... it kind of surprised me so I kind of just added on there well..... will you let your daughter get baptized and he sat there for a second and said ``sure why not`` .   He hasn't agreed to let her get baptized before so this Saturday we are going to baptize the nine year girl.
                Personally I really feel like I'm am progressing, I love the mission, there is so much to learn.  After you have a hard trial sometimes you feel like  there is nothing left to learn... only to be hit with another trial which makes me realize how far I am from where God wants me to be.  I think I'm getting better at seeing the silver lining too but still have a long ways to go. (thanks Mom for teaching me that phrase). I have no doubt that this is God's will, that I am where I am. Life is so much better when you look for the learning experiences in all things. I know the church is true.
I love you all
elder shaw

5-22-2012

Whats up?

Thanks for the emails! Sounds like everybody is pretty busy. The academies should be great! Grandma, thank you for sending me a letter. Its nice to here from you and know your still loving life. Love to hear from you. I didn’t know that you served in Florida. That’s awesome! Well to start off... lots of changes and lots of humility. I’m not sad in any way but a lot of things have happened that really wasn’t what i was expecting. This last changes for some reason they deicded to white wash my last area and take me out with my comp gone and put two new ones in. I really loved my investigators in ITA. It was amazing how quick i came to love the members and the investigators i had there. There was a baptism this week there. I am now in a place called Lucerito. My new district is actually bigger then my last zone, there are 11 people in my district and 3 sisters (that’s a first). and right now i am with a Latin from el Salvador. His name is elder Guzman. He has about 1 year in the mission. He is a really focused missionary... the first day we were defiantly getting use to each other and i hade to bite my tongue for the first couple days but i think everything is good now. He is a good guy and i can learn a lot from him. The area that i am in is the smallest area in the mission it is about 3 or 4 blocks wide and i don’t know how long but small. There was 1 investigator when i got here and i think she will get baptized she is really good but apart from that we have been doing alot of talking to people and working with the members. I am on like 30 minutes from Asuncion so everybody speaks Spanish and they are a little more like normal smart a little bit ruder people. The members here really are amazing!!!! There are leaders here and it’s the first time in my mission that i have it like this. It’s really nice how we can working with the leaders. The problem that we are having in the ward is that we don’t have the people to work with or investigators. 
Don’t get me wrong i am really grateful for the chances to do something else and learn more and be some where else, but i am a little sad about having left my last area. They had a baptism there last week and should have a couple more in there coming weeks.  Something really cool that happened last week, we were working and found a man that had gone to the church before and never got baptized and we are now teaching him. He is very receptive to the spirit and we had a very powerful lesson. He didn’t accept a baptismal date but we are going to try again the next time. My English will probably be getting alot worse in these letters cause i don’t speak it any more. I love you and am grateful for the support that you give me. i know that this church is true and i don’t really care where president puts me, i am going to do my best to be a success missionary. 
Love elder shaw

5-15-2012

It was good to talk to you this last weekend!  It seems like everything is going very well! Oh and happy mothers day mother! Dad thank you for the mission stories. I just remember hearing a lot about you mission before my mission and i wanted to know what it was like, the difficulties, your areas, leadership opportunities, just what ever so thanks. I will also keep this one short probably cause me and my comp have to go to Asuncion today so that he can have his last interview with president. I really love my comp to death but it really stinks having to be with a missionary as he ends his mission. This next change i plan on re consagrating myself. I want to be better in many areas and focus a little better on the work! We have so many investigators right now so this moment is critical for the amount of baptisms we will have in the future. I am thankful for the success i have had in my mission. I do realize the hand of God. This morning i wrote all the converts that i have been told that have gone a little wishy-washing and aren’t following good. I feel like i continue learning everyday. Some things i have learned this change are first off, after having done all you can and people don’t go to church, to stay chill and not get over emotional about it. I have to respect the agency of other people. Also i have learned (not a whole but there is a little difference) to serve better.  I have learned to feel the joy in serving those close to me.  I have also come to enjoy teaching. I love teaching alot more now! I will let you know how the changes go next week. I love you so much  elder shaw

5-7-2012

ey family!
That is so cool that school is almost out and that the academies are coming.  They were so much fun!! Thanks for the emails, fun to hear from you. Well as for this weekend my comp and I will be able to call at 4 oclock my time. If i am not mistaken i think that would be 2 oclock for you... but you would have to check. At 4 oclock here i will try and be on but be patient if its not right at 4 oclock cause alot of times the computers here our occupied and we will have to wait so just some time around there.
This last week we had our conference of zone, and it was amazing!!!! It was based around the talk of elder Chirstofferson from 2008 welcoming of the new mission presidents. It is amazing and really puts in perspective the importance of missionary work and not just trying to get good numbers to please your district leaders and zone leaders. I loved it!. This last week we had a couple lesson with some of our investigators that were amazing. There is one guy named Mario, and he has a lot of faith in God but his problem is he works Sunday and cant go to church and we are getting him to quite and we saw alot of progress in him this last week. One lesson was very powerful... he finally made the connection that Jehovah is Jesus Christ.. The Jehovah Witnesses are very well taught incorrectly and it is very hard to get them to understand the doctrine of Christ but he is progressing very well. 
This week my comp and I our going to be focusing on getting people in church cause that is our main difficulty right now! We are finding the investigators just they wont go to church. By focusing on our own testimonies of the sacrament and obtaining a deeper understanding of the doctrine of it we are hoping that our invitation will mean more to the investigators. We have one girl named Luz, that was suppose to get baptized this Saturday but she could not go to church because her mom and dad worked instead of going to church. She is the daughter of a family less active we are working with. This last week we had quite a few things funny happen! First off we made friends with a drunk while waiting for a bus to take us back to our city were we live and he liked us so much that he staggered his way on the bus to follow us and then paid secretively for our ticket home haha! Next i ran in to a pole face first in front of alot of people after doing a contact and hurt my nose. And the best this last week i had one of the most creepy visits i have had on my mission. So we heard there was an old family of members were not all were members and they lived in the middle of now where, we went there at dark night to find them. When we got there we clapped and this old witch looking women came out to see who we were. She got to us and i kid you not looked exactly like a skeleton with dry skin wrapped around it. It was the scariest thing i have ever seen. We walked in and met the dad and the daughter. The dad asked for our names and then said thanks I’m going to go inside and say a prayer for you and left us with the kids and the mom. Then my comp asked how the teenage girl was doing and she said bad. So he asked her why and she said she was sick. My comp asked if she had a fever and she said no. Then my comp tried to make a joke said, well you didn’t lose an arm did you?! She said no worse.  I lost my baby yesterday. It was the most awkward moment of my mission.  We continued to meet them and ask questions and then the dad came out, who finished his prayer i guess, and then said hold on a second i have to get something and hid behind a tree, and then for the next 5 minutes this guy was like a ninja, all over his yard. We could hear him but could never see him. We got really creeped out and pretty much took off running. The spirit was not in the house!!!
All in all life is going very well! I feel like i have continued to progress again and got out of my rut. My studies have gotten alot better and a lot more profound. I am learning some crazy stuff. My comp will be going home next week so hopefully he doesn’t get to trunky.
As for some suggestions on taste test dad..... yes i have tried it all look up these foods on the internet. 1) mondongo (cow intestines.. i think) 2)chicharon (cooked fat) 3)ceso empanda (fried bread with cow brain) 4)cow tongue (actually i eat it alot) 5)blood sausage 6) cow hoof (HORRIBLE)
and much more.
 I love and will talk to you this Saturday. peace
 elder shaw

5-1-2012

What’s upppp!!!!!

Wow sounds like life is just trucking right along with out me. Well that’s fine. i hope everything is going really well cause everything for me is fantastic. Tell Danielle congratulations, and thanks you for the emails. Tyler thanks for writing me too it was good to hear from ya. You’re just as much family as anyone else! Where are you Braiden and Caleb? We just got out of a leaders council and it was amazing!! My companion had to give his last testimony in the meeting... it was very powerful. He is a good missionary. President talked the whole time about becoming our message, about applying the gospel and the teachings to us mismos, and about the sacraments. I really left that meeting with a better.. spirit. i think sometimes we get after missionaries for there numbers when the are lazy and not working, but it really made me realize that if someone is not fulfilling with his covenants or responsibilities it is cause he does not understand the doctrine and someone has to put them in their place and make them learn. I love president. I really don’t like it when people don’t speak highly of him! I can’t say in my new area we are not having success because we are.. Just not in the way I’m use to having it. My comp and I since we have been together have activated 3 or 4 families together and they are very strong in the church now. It is a really a satisfying feeling to see them walk into church.  They are just not investigators. We are going to try and get them to invite their friends. I love this work and it is good to take a look back and the importance. This is the only true church that leads someone to the true forgiveness of Christ, which brings the real happiness. The sacrament is so important but its frustrating when the people don’t listen or follow through. This last week on Thursday i had thee most physically exhausting days. We walk so far and for some reasoning no body was home and we tried everyone. When we got home i didn’t feel good i walked straight to my bed as well as my comp and in my clothes fell on to my bed and we fell asleep till 3 in the morning when i guess my comp got up and turned off the lights and changed... i didn’t. I slept through the night. It was a hard day but gratifying.  The for the strength of youth finally got to Paraguay. The new one is amazing!!! They make some bold remarks, and it is a lot more forward! Great

Stuff.  There was a lightning this last week that killed to people in ITA and burnt some many televisions. It was crazy we were in the chaplet when it hit and the lights surged i thought they were going to burst. We found an incomplete family and the 16 year daughter in not baptized. A member gave us the reference and we arrived with a member and it was a very spiritual lesson. During the lesson the mom stopped and said wait wait wait... do you feel that. I came home exhausted from work and right now I feel something! It was a very spiritual moment. They committed to come to church this week that comes! The daughter has a baptismal date. Really i do love this work and want to help a lot of people but one of the biggest homework that i have here is the elders in our zone. A lot of them are struggling and need help and my comp and I are trying very hard to animate them and help them have success. We don’t know what to do now to help them... its sad. I really want to be a better `person i feel like i have leveled out and i want to keep progressing, developing more and more in the attributes of Christ but sometimes i don’t feel like i progress. I think God is teaching me a lot of humility right now again. Its kind of fun taking the trials and seeing what good i can get out of them. l love you and desire the best.

elder shaw

p.s. Sorry i suck at sending pictures home but i really am taking more pictures then you think don’t worry. It’s the journal that i am not to good at